made an appointment for my moms biopsy today.
july 12th.
wow.. its more than a month away.. this is so bad.
but they didnt have any open spaces between today and that date.
i cannot possibly imagine how many patients they have.
so many sick people...
on monday me and mom went to the cancer institution in new brunswick, while sitting there waiting to see the doctor who does the ultrasound, i looking around me and i got so scared.
there was this girl who was no older than age of 11. she had a tube atached to her chest and looked so sick. i was choking, trying not to start crying. i felt so sorry. she is just a little girl, a child shouldn't have to suffer.
this other guy was so thin, he looked like a skeleton. so pale too, i could almost see through his skin. he had the longest eyelashes ive ever seen and had such beautiful face. his head was shaved. he sat besides a girl. who had his hand around his neck, with her fingers slightly rubbing the back of his neck and head.
i couldnt watch them. it was so heart braking.
this is all so overwhelming.
ive had numerous breakdowns. almost everyday for the past two months.
school is annoying they cant leave us free from work. i have so much stuff to finish in order get to credits for all my classes and graduate. if i wont i just dont know what i will do.
couldnt go to school today. missed 16 days already and im only allowed 20.
i missed prom last friday.. i never wanted to go.. but after last night and the night before i wish i went..
ive been overreacting about stupid things. pissing people off. and taking it all out on everyone who surrounds me.
but i just need some one to hold me and say that everything is going to be okay..
i fucked up a lot.. thought about no one but myself.. and i guess this is a payback..
(c)